michael’s posterous



May 19, 2009

NEW BLOG: HELLO AGAIN, TSA


Good morning from Philadelphia. We're going to California for a business meeting, and that means flying...again!

In the last three months, we've flown to New York City, Tampa, San Francisco, Maui and today back to Northern California.

I had never been a frequent flier, and always looked at the entire TSA experience as a necessity since 9/11. Still do.

I know the airlines are cutting flights, and overselling seats on those flights still running. I  know everyone -ME!! especially :)- has a schedule we're trying to keep. And it's maddening to wait in an incredibly long line to electronically swipe for your boarding pass, just because some idiots look at the kiosk as if it were they first time they were ever faced with an ATM. What to do?  

I dunno. I just know that WE, the flying public, are dumber than ever. And slower. After the CF just getting your tickets and dropping off your bags (hey, nice to be whored for that, too! $$$), it's then time to enter the Disney World maze known as the entrance to TSA. People STILL don't get the no-fluids rule, and still question taking their shoes off.  Belts. Watches. People who still don't know anything about laptop rules while traveling. These kinds of dolts slow us all down.

I have seen the problem, and it is us.

 And TSA, too.
Because the dynamic, well meaning folks currently manning the front lines against exploding feet 
 all look like Paul Blart, Mall Cop. Image=Perception=Reality.

 We need our TSA employees to have a little spring in their collective step. I know the job can be as tedious as working at Taco Bell, with more back talk from customers. And all that foot smell! But we need to look at our TSA employees with a bit more reverence than as if they were busing the tables at an all you can eat buffet. It would help the entire process.

But they need to give a shit, too. Maybe they need better coaching and management.

I just got done going through security. They need some sort of cheerleader to give them an infection of excitement.
Cause image is everything.
Work on that, TSA. Other than that, you're doing very well.  
We will move it quickly and be prepared if you help us. We are the sheep, you are the herders. 


Stay Safe!
d.
May 19, 2009
1000am 


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May 18, 2009

NEW BLOG: DAILY DVR LIST

I love my DVR's. I time shift and fast forward through commercials just like many of you do. 


There is a lot of tee vee I watch, admittedly. Live sports (NFL, NBA etc) would be the number one tune in for me, always.

And there are plenty of shows I watch regularly, like my favs:

Family Guy
30 Rock
The Office
House
American Chopper
American Idol
Big Bang Theory
Letterman

I watch these mainly live (except when shows overlap..hello DVR). And I channel surf a bunch, past ESPN, CNN, and FAUX News.

And then there are the shows that I DVR every day. These are the true gems, the shows that I watch almost daily:

THE TOP 5 DAILY DVR's:

#5   Regis & Kelly
       
Most days I watch the first 20 minutes live if I can. It is the best opening segment on teevee, even when he's old and cranky and she's anorexic looking and harping on about the Hamptons. REGIS & KELLY makes the list because if I've got early stuff to do, I can catch at least the first segment every day when I get done. And it's live teevee at it's best. And with absolutely no script, there is really nothing like it.


#4   Wheeler Dealers


This show from the BBC is replayed on Discovery Channel. Think This Old House with Bob and Norm, except they're Brits. The parallel is there because, just like on T.O.H., one guy sets everything up and one guy does all the real work.
On this show, the short guy buys offbeat cars in bad shape, and the tall guy does all the grunt work to get them running. Then they sell the cars, often for little or no profit. WHEELER DEALERS is not fancy or slick. But it's good.


#3   Bernie Mac Show


This is the sitcom that was on Fox on Sunday nights during it's original run. It's rerun on FX daily, and my trusty DVR picks up at least two episodes a day for me. I'm sure it's available in a box set, but I rather like the randomness of knowing there are a couple of Mac man shows for me everyday waiting for me. THE BERNIE MAC SHOW shows aspects of family life as they hadn't been presented on teevee in a long while. Uncle Bernie often threatens to kill his three kids. You just don't get that much now. The show just is the best, and has Bernie talking directly to the camera, America!


#2   P.T.I.


Pardon The Interruption is on ESPN every afternoon. Smart before it's time, this show works because of the two hosts, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon. Longtime columnists from the Washington Post (actually, Wilbon hasn't been bought out yet) gone teevee heads, they have true chemistry. They are honest, funny and most times right on. And when they are not, it doesn't get brushed under the rug. Which Tony does not wear. He recently abandoned the world's worst comb over, ever. I think. 


#1   The Late Late Show with Craig Furgeson



This show is in a different category that any other late night talk show. No band, no HD, no budget. Just one guy, Craig Furgeson. The boss from the Drew Carey Show. Guy is simply brilliant. The first 30-40 minutes of that show every night is just Craig, one on one with the camera. Literally. Just last week he actually broke a camera, after slapping the side of it, as he does nightly. He manages to entertain in a unique way that is very un-Letterman, Leno, etc.
 But his show is produced by Peter Lassally, who produced THE Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. So while it is un-orthodox, it is mainstream. And as much as I like to Buy American, I've got to say it. The "Scottish Conan Guy" is the best thing on tee vee.


There you have it, fellow teevee nerds.
And I missed Regis this morning to write this.

Guess I'll go see if they (Regis and Kelly) saw that Jeff Probst wore their stupid candy necklace on last night's live Survivor finale. Because it's on my DVR.




d.
May 18, 2009
1000am

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May 17, 2009

SunMorn BLOG: GOD



Sunday morning is here, and no church for me today. 
Not because I'm not into God, or worship.

I have a very special relationship with God.
I talk to Him all the time, and give thanks for His many blessings.

He doesn't care that I don't dress up and go to
a place of worship with other people.

He doesn't care that I think the Catholic method is not birth
control that works.

He doesn't care that I think saying 'certain prayers a certain number of times' clears your soul of sins confessed is... total crap.

He doesn't care that I'm writing this right now.

Because He knows I believe in Him and his teachings.

And He blesses me by watching over me and my family and loved ones.

He doesn't take roll call in an actual church every Sunday.



He has a great sense of humor as well.


That's my God. And yours.
Have a great Sunday!



d.
May 17th 2009
830am

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May 16, 2009

NEW mini WKND BLOG: NEIGHBORS




Happy weekend to ye! Jan and I live in Ocean City, Maryland, a wonderful resort town on the Eastern (slower) Shore of Maryland.
I'd had my house here for many years before I met Janet, so she had no input as to where we were going to live after I left CBS radio.

Hey Now, looking at the Atlantic Ocean and  sandy beaches when you go to sleep and wake up is a sweet deal. So she loved the place right away. But she loves more than living AT the beach. She loves the people here, too.

Especially our neighbors. Some of them live here full time like we do. Some of them only come down on holidays and vacations. Some only on weekends. But we know 'em all. And Janet is right, they're very good people and neighbors.

I just don't know their names. I mean their proper names. 

I give em all nicknames. For instance, the guy who drives the big Caddy and has an Italian flag out on his deck is "The Italian Guy."

The wonderful elderly couple (in their 70's) I call "The Swingers."

A nice couple who are real beach lovers have been dubbed "The Footwashers." Because the guy is fanatic about everyone washing every grain of sand off their feet before getting on his deck! The wife really has nothing to do with the nickname. She's just "Mrs. Footwasher."

I just had a 5 minute chat with my next door neighbor, who only comes down from Jersey a few times a year. Janet asked who I was talking to outside, and I said, "Pipe Smoker. They're down for two weeks."

She then told me his name. Of course, it's Tom. Who always smokes a pipe while he walks his dog, Bailey.

Just struck me. I know the names of every dog in our neighborhood, but only know the neighbors by my nicknames.
When I see them, it's easy enough to just say, "Hey how you been?" rather than say, "(name goes here) how you been?"

But I always say hello to the dogs with their proper names.

So with help from Janet, here's to:

Tom
Mary Ann
Dave
Beverly
Jeff
Nancy
Joe 
Midge (really!)
Kris
Gail
Tammy
Don
Sharon

I hope to someday actually learn your names!



Have a great weekend, and stay safe.

 
d.
May 16th 2009
1030am

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May 15, 2009

NEW BLOG: STAR TREK REVIEW (no spoilerz)




I'd better get this out before the freshness date expires. So without further delay, direct from the BASEMENT THE SCIENCE BUILDING....here is my full frontal review of Star Trek, the newest installment and reinvention.

First, full disclosure. While a bit too young for the classic Star Trek, I got hooked and bad on Star Trek: The Next Generation.   Long ago, in a galaxy far away, ago, I was one of those people. I had the uniforms...I mean the costumes. I religiously watched the show every Saturday night. I bought the collection on VHS. I went to L.A. when our radio show went to Arsenio Hall's tv show. I hopped off the golf cart on the Paramount lot, eluded security, and walked through the sets of Star Trek:TNG. We had cast members on our radio show, and they (especially Wil Wheaton) could not believe what an uber nerd I was.

I had the costumes, too. Here I am from 1989 doing some dumb bit in the WAVA/DC parking lot during the morning "zoo". 

(I'm the fat guy in the Star Trek suit with a mullet-in-training.)
That is just wrong. Yet no one stopped me!

That show went off the air, and I guess my fixation with the entire Trek thing went by the wayside. But I do have the show's entire run. Now on DVD. And I still like most things Trek, but I'd just grown past the whole Trek World when I heard the movie franchise was being brought back to life. I pretty much had zero interest.

A year or so ago my son (age 24) told me that the new film was being directed by J.J. Abrams, the "Lost" guy.

Although I don't watch "Lost", I did have some hope since the show was eliciting a response from the audience, good and bad. 

As the year went on, I got less and less excited about a new Star Trek film. I thought of "Lost In Space" starring Joey from "Friends". Douche chill bad. The hype machine had started, and horse-face Mary Hart was squealing about it on ET. The cast looked young, and I was expecting a 90210 in outer space movie.

Still, like the basic character/message of the show I remained optimistic and went to see it at my first chance.

After the first 10 minutes, I whispered to my wife, "This is fucking awesome. I love it." She agreed, and the movie rolled along.

Color me totally wrong about any worries I had before seeing the film. It plays like a 2 hour episode of the original tv show. But it also manages to be newer, fresher...and relevant again.

The utopian feel that Gene Roddenberry brought to the tv  show is here, alive and well via cast and crew. And screen writers.

And it has plenty of great action scenes that don't look fake.

The cast is exceptional. Special kudos to Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto. Their renditions of Kirk and Spock have traces of the original characters, but have been updated in a way that really makes them new and unique. Simon Pegg is perfectly cast as Scotty.

They DO say lines like, "Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pilot", but every time it gets pulled off without a pang of wink-wink.

Movies like these are easy to parody and goof on. 

But this is a GREAT movie. I won't give away any plot, but it's well written, acted, and directed.


A+


And I don't even have the uniforms anymore.
(In my house. They're in storage. Can't let 'em go.)



Engage!



d.
May 15, 2009
930am

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May 14, 2009

NEW BLOG: John & Kate Plus WHO GIVES A SHIT

  Who are John and Kate? I can honestly say I have never seen the reality tee vee show. Yet, I hate.

I believe I know the basic pretense. She has two kids (twins!), then six more come along after taking some fertilization drugs. So you now have Eight Kids. How did Dick Van Patten handle things? He had a tee vee show, "Eight Is Enough."  That was a fake scripted show with actors. This is the 21st century. How else can you support eight adorable kids except whoring your life out to  a reality tee vee show? 

This model (John&Kate plus 8) worked so well I believe it is the reason the Oct-0-Mom squeezed out her own litter of eight. She currently is in negotiations for her own reality show. SHOCK.

And I also gather that John&Kate must have at one time traded on their "holier-than-thou" images. Which is why there is such an uproar over their possible split/divorce/whatever...it'll be televised, I'm sure. Always is.

And although he certainly is a participating whore (kids and wife's lives on reality tv), she seems to be the one running the production. Literally. 

So, sentiment among folks who I know who watch is that the guy deserves some release from this woman. 

And from that I am able to carry on conversations with people about a show I've never seen.

And I sure do hate her! :) 
What an uber bitch on wheels! :)

I have no problem with all the attention this is getting. If it had to do with Simon Cowell, I'd be wetter than a Sham-Wow. Just wanted to go on record I hate John&Kate. Especially her.

But wait a few years and the next generation of these will also spawn their reality tee vee shit.

Mark my words. One of these eight lil wonders will grow up to be:


DANNY BONADUCE.



Stay Safe!


d. 
May 14th, 2009
945am

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May 13, 2009

NEW BLOG: DanSnyder Finally Gets Some DAP

As we get set to depart to the pivotal Caps/Pens game tonight in DC, time to talk sports. 


More specifically, Daniel M. Snyder. Sorry hockey fans, no NHL news from me. I'm just lucky a buddy has access to a box at the game and invited us. I can't honestly say I follow hockey regularly. But we are looking forward to the energy generated by a great hockey crowd. And a great game. LET'S GO CAPS!

Now on to the news of the day. Dan Snyder, majority owner of the Washington Redskins has finally gotten some much deserved recognition for his stewardship of the team over the past 10 seasons.

Sports Illustrated recently rated the best and worst owners in all professional sports. In the world of the NFL, there are only 32 chances to be the worst.

SI rated Snyder the 3rd worst owner in the league, behind Al Davis (Oakland Raiders) and William Clay Ford (Detroit Lions).
No doubt, those are both sorry NFL franchises that can't seem to make correct decisions no matter what circumstances they face.

BUT. Both the owners of the coveted #1 and #2 slots are old feebs. The last time they made a sound decision was the last time they had a solid bowel movement. Or the last time they actually got a boner without a pill. Point being: Mr. Davis and Mr. Ford get a pass. Because they are old and have earned the right to run their teams in to the ground. And because soon THEY will be in the ground. Hey, it's "Bucket List" time, gents. Go nuts, no one will hold you accountable in the long run. And when they both take the eternal sleep of the damned, you can bet both franchises will take drastic steps away from the moves that put them behind the 8 ball.

But Daniel Snyder is a relatively young man. He still has solid B.M.'s, and probably can still get it up. Maybe.

So why is he on the list as the third worst owner in the NFL? Not because he treats the players as if they were fantasy football selections. Not because he throws away cash at worn out players, forgetting he's mortgaging the future. Not because he'd sell the space on his taint if it could be the "Official Taint Of The Washington Redskins."

He is the third worst by SI because he provides the worst game day experience in the NFL. Traffic. Parking. Lack of parking. Ridiculous Prices. Ads ads ads ads ads ads occupy every waking moment you are in the stadium. And nothing to back it all up. 10 years of sucking.

Big play? Want to check out the replay? Sorry. The Skins only show replays that are favorable to the team, and COMMERCIALS AT VOLUME LEVEL 10 always get first priority, so hope you brought a lil tv for replays! Or...you can RENT FOR JUST $49.00, THE DIRECTV REPLAY IPOD THING...so you can PAY to watch the games on tv while you PAY to watch the game in person.

Chicken? Popeye's is the official pizza of the Redskins. But so is KFC. Poppa Johns, official pizza of the Redskins. So is Domino's. 

If Snyder devoted 1% of his brain power off milking every stinking penny he could out of us, maybe he would hire an actual General Manager who knows something about football to run that side of the aisle.

Because it's obvious he could sell ice to an Eskimo.
But he could not tell which Eskimo could throw the farthest.

IF he had a decent team over the last 10 years, all this stuff would be washed away by pure fandom and rah-rah's. We'd be paying out the ass, and be happy about it.

But the team sucks, and he pulls out chairs from under people like he's playing a child's game. 

And the ticket prices? I just refused to renew my generous new 3 year offer the Skins passed along for two club seats.

$8600 a year, with a three year commitment. That's 25 grand. Before buying anything to eat or drink. With the only "perk" offered being, "the chance to purchase NFL playoff tickets." IF the team makes the playoffs, I will be granted the chance to overpay for yet another game.

Listen, it's all a business. I just hate the way he nakedly rubs his nude little body on every dime that comes in the cash drawer. In front of us.

He's no Leonsis. He's no Pollin. He's not even that dummy who's running the Nationals into the ground.

He's Snyder. And he's #3. So close to finally hitting #1.


Congrats, you prick.


d.
May 13, 2009
200pm

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May 12, 2009

NEW BLOG: Small Town News

I'm no different that a lot of you. I still enjoy reading the morning newspaper(s). Increasingly, people are getting their written word from the Web. And countless traditional newspapers are buying the farm and going under.


I read four papers every morning, the old fashioned way: Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, USA Today and my local rag, the Salisbury Daily Times. Many others I read on line, but these four are the ones I spread out on the kitchen table and enjoy my coffee with.

The local paper has a section everyday on their "opinion/editorial page" called the Grapevine.

This is where locals write in on all subjects, but the main topics are: Barack Obama and Rush Limbaugh.  Past those two daily messages, people discuss: stop signs, trash pickup, city council meetings and everything else you might imagine from a small town.

And there are Damn Dummies. Like this one from this morning's edition:

False Advertising


What consumer protection agencies allow television ads to tout the news with Katie Couric, only to have some bald-headed guy come on? How can they say it's going to be Katie Couric, then all of a sudden she's not there because she's on vacation. Why are they allowed to get away with false advertising?


How stupid is the general public? And the editors of this rag? This is the best they could solicit? (Don't answer any of those questions. I already have the answers.)

How stupid is the unnamed person who's tiny brain wrote it?

But of even more importance is this:


Why do letters to the editor like this drive me crazy?
These people also vote, drive cars on our roads, and own guns.
Those facts all scare me!

And they apparently LOVE Katie Couric.
That doesn't scare me as much.



Stay Safe!
d.
May 12, 2009
800am

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May 11, 2009

New Blog: WHATS UP DOGZ?

I have always loved dogs, and have been fortunate  to have had some great ones. In a short span of time ( 6 months) both of my dogs, Max and Klink passed away after bouts with massive tumors. Both dogs were fine one day and literally gone a few days later. At least it wasn't a long, drawn out ordeal for either of them.


After Janet moved in with me in 2007, she brought her Bulldog, Oscar into the house with my two boys. It wasn't exactly easy...but like having real life kids. They eventually each settled into a routine where we all co-existed. And  soon after it wasn't pandemonium when the mailman arrived.

Then Max passed away, and I again became acutely aware how sensitive dogs are to our feelings and moods. They can size up a room pretty well. As I mentioned, Max's illness came on suddenly after a long and full life. After we took him into the vet to have him put to sleep, Jan and I felt horrible. Anyone who has suffered any kind of loss can relate. It's not like losing a human being. But if you have a special relationship with your dog it can be awfully tough when it's time.

When we got back home, both Klink and Oscar actually put aside their "fights" over bones and sleeping mats, and simply laid at our feet and stayed there.

The two dogs got along better than ever until my wonderful Col Klink (german shep) had his eyes glassing over. Two days later he was gone, and again...Oscar came through.

The whole time Oscar had lived in my house, he knew I loved him. But  he also KNEW that Max and Klink were there first. I can't prove to you how he knew this, but he did. And he didn't warm up to me all the way until Klink passed. Because he knew I was suffering, and he  then turned into the little buddy Janet and I share now. No doubt, Oscar comforted ME after the loss of Klink. Very human of him.

After spending the last two years with Oscar as the real King of the house, I again find myself amazed. Before Klink, I would have never thought of having a large dog. And Klink was huge! But he won me over, and lived a ripe 13 years.

I knew nothing about Bulldogs when Oscar moved in. I generally thought they were odd looking dogs. But I can tell you now that he's got a personality that matches his expressive face. This little guy is a non stop, play-with-me, I-want-to-sit-with-you dog. And we love it.

I'm just writing this because we took him in for his checkup today, and he's doing great. There is a picture of him in the vet's office on my Twitter account.

I appreciate the fact he's loyal. And always glad to see me. He deserves some time as the #1 dog in the family.


I might need some estrogen after this. Ship this right off to Lady Oprah. 


Stay Safe!


d.
May 11, 2009
330pm

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May 10, 2009

NewBLOG: KILL BILL(y) MAYS

First, a happy Mom's day to all. Even Mrs. Mays. The woman whose birth canal gave way to the human stain known as Billy Mays.


I know, his 15 min are just about up. And I must admit the first time I saw his ESPN360 ad, I might have laughed. But in the next eight million times it aired, I hit the channel button quicker than Oxy-whatever cleans up the mess.

He is a hairy pitchman who is am quite sure suffers from some sort of anal fissure issue. 

He now has his own show on TLC, or some other like channel. 
Hey, when did TLC change from The Learning Channel to The Channel That Has Shows About Multi Gender Dwarfs Who Get Pregnant?

Back on point. I don't believe a sharpie can take out a key scratch on my car's hood. I don't believe I'll ever need a flag tethered to a pole in winds in excess of 85mph. And I sure don't need the Handy Switch. Or the grill to make Big City Sliders. And I'm strong enough without the Hercules Hook. I'd like to make him eat a pound of Mighty Putty. Then I'd wire his jaw shut with the Mighty Mendit. And to insure his family is okay after he PUSHES ME TOO FAR WITH HIS INFOMERCIALS I will purchase some LLC Health Insurance. "The only life insurance endorsed by Billy Mays." 

In closing, to all Moms...have a wonderful day. 

And to Mrs. Mays: I wish you the love of a great mothers day. And a time machine from NASA so you can go back and rethink your decision on having Billy. Maybe you could wait a few days to let the universe settle down, THEN go ahead and have a son.

Maybe THAT Billy Mays won't be such a stain.
15 minutes up, please. 


You can also print this page and give it to your Mom as an inspirational message!


d.
May 10, 2009
1100am  

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