michael’s posterous



November 4, 2009

Blog: Disney & Fat People

Ok, so I went to Disney World. I know for a lot of you that breaks some kind of solemn oath I'd taken against the Walt Disney Company since my old radio show was tossed out during a live broadcast for talking to visitors and informing those who had a wedgie so they could take proper action.

That was a long time ago, and I was quite sure my name wasn't really on some list (as some Disney secret service grunt had told us when we were tossed back in the day).

Janet and I did the old fashioned vacation, driving from Ocean City, Maryland to Orlando and Tampa, Florida. We stayed in Disney for a week and had a great time. Except for one item. 

The first thing I noticed in the Magic Kingdom was the incredible number of motorized scooters, aka "Rascals" that were freaking everywhere. One of the first things I muttered to Janet on our 1st day was something like, "Jesus! Look at that fat load. I'm positive he's faking some illness and is just too lazy to walk", as I saw some random really fat guy motoring and drinking his lemonade ever so daintily.

NEWS BULLETIN! I AM FAT. I WEIGHED MYSELF THIS MORNING AND MY NEW LUCKY NUMBER IS 229!

It was unseasonably hot and humid, even by Florida standards the week we were in Orlando. Every day was scorching sunshine and 93 degrees.  I would sweat through my t shirt within five minutes of starting to walk through the gates at the Animal Kingdom.

But I walked it all. Every day. It was hot, and I sweated. Lots. But we stopped and walked into A/C whenever we could. The worst was standing in a line for a ride, and just smelling ass and feet everywhere, no ventilation. Very swampy.

And again, I was struck by the many electric scooters I saw fat people (many about my size, some smaller, some bigger) riding everywhere.

In lines for rides, in eateries and in stores. I really didn't see anyone (except some senior citizens and some handicapped folks) who looked like they ACTUALLY needed the scooters.
And it was pissing me off.

By day 5, I decided to just ask. Some guy a bit larger than me was in line in his scooter, with his little battery operated fan cooling him, as he wrapped a washcloth in cool water he had in the basket in the front of his ride, and draped it around his neck.

I said, "Hey pal.  I don't mean to intrude, but I love that scooter you're on. Do you have an injury that's making you use that thing, or are you just faking it to ride?"
I felt confident enough to ask him because he didn't appear to have any maladies and he was as happy as a pig in shit, and was actually smirking at people sweating their balls off as they walked by. That's why I chose this guy to ask. Even as Janet walked away and said, "Don't. Come on, let's go."

He smiled and told me his entire family rented them, right at the front gate. There was not a thing wrong with him. It was just, "hot as shit, and it's like having a little golf cart." I asked if they were available to anyone, and he said if you money was green, you could rent one.
Celebrity he most resembled: Sean Kingston.  
Fat. But not so fat you can't walk.

I walked to the front gate, and lo and behold, there was the sign to "Rent Your Own Personal Electric Scooter, the ONLY   Way To See The Park!" I guess I'd just passed it  by everywhere in the masses of humanity rushing through the turnstiles, eager to get inside whatever Kingdom it was we were all rushing to get into.

So I was right! Fat asses who are just lazy rent those things, because it's hot and they don't feel like walking.

Screw that. If you are too fat to walk, you'd better be like someone on a TLC show. Or Kirstie Alley fat. 
Scratch that. Even she should be able to walk her fat ass through the parks. You have to be Aretha Franklin fat to ride in a chair like that if your only malady is that it's hot, and you're fat, and there's lots of walking.

And there were SO MANY FREAKING SCOOTERS WITH FAT PEOPLE AND CHILDREN (oh yes, fat kiddies ride too!) IT WAS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR FOOT TRAFFIC TO MOVE, AS THE SCOOTERS TOOK OVER THE WALKWAYS, SOMETIME IN PACKS OF SEVEN OR EIGHT.

I walked everywhere everyday. And I'm fat. And I'm lazy. And my feet got sore and my I was sweating my balls off while surrounded by a cloud of people that collectively smelled like a giant full diaper. And even then I would not rent a scooter. Good for me.

So why write all this? It reminded me of a Disney movie!
Remember? All humans are so fat we just drive our little fatcars through shopping areas, where food and drink are supplied to keep us fat and happy and shopping. And not walking.

That's where Disney movies come to life.

d.
November 4, 2009

Comments [7]

October 19, 2009

Blog: Snyder Loves Money Over Winning

No secret agenda here, I am not a Dan Snyder fan. The man/boy owner of the Washington Redskins is finally starting to feel some of the heat from the community of devoted, lifetime fans, who are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore. Or so they say.

The Redskins are among the worst teams in the NFL. Their fourth loss of the season yesterday was to the then winless Kansas City Chiefs. The coach is in over his head, the players don't have any passion for what they do, there is no General Manager, and a general state of sourness has enveloped the franchise. 

I will not bore you with the facts about just how bad the Redskins are now, or have been for the last 10 years.

I've told friends of mine in other NFL cities that if any other team would have had such awful on the field product for the last decade, they'd be...the Jacksonville Jaguars or the Oakland Raiders! Those teams stink, and the stadiums are not full with fans. Those teams are not winners on or off the field. (Where score is kept by wins and losses, and profit margins.)

Then there's the Redskins, now under ownership of Snyder for 10 years. The team has been crap for the majority of the decade, and that's even being generous to the "Joe Gibbs 2.0" experiment. That stunk, too. Let's just be honest. IF all this junk (coaching carousel, awful personnel moves, moronic payments to free agents who aren't worth it, like Albert Haynesworth) happened in any other NFL city, would the fans just keep taking it?

Never mind that, would they keep lining up (waiting list for season tickets!), bending over, and saying, "Thank You! May I Have Another?"

The team will continue to fail as long as the two rules of Synder ownership remain in place:

1) Let Dan, and only Dan run the team. ALL football decisions run through him and him alone.
2) Bottom line is more important than on the field results. Who gives a hoot about a winning record or playoffs when the team is THE SECOND MOST VALUABLE in the NFL. 

Money, Money, Money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all Dan Snyder cares about.

The team is totally in the bottom third of the league, and sinking fast.

Snyder could fix it. IF he'd hire a football person to be the actual General Manager, and then letting that person dictate the franchise's ON FIELD product. Then the actual team's success rate might start to match the level of profit the team has shown over the last 10 years.

It will never be fixed. Snyder will never relent. He does not understand his little toy is also a public trust. If he were truly a smart business man, he'd realize his ineptness at football matters, and focus on the other side. Then the team would have a chance of being among the league's elite.

And, Dan, you'd still make money! Because that's how you keep score. But as long as Redskins fans hold on to memories of the way-it-used-to-be, you'll keep holding them upside down til every bit of change rattles out of their pockets. 

Plus, remember, you can always sue people if they can't pay for their their seat contracts!

Cause it's ALL about money for Dan Snyder. 
Other markets would not continue to throw money at a team owned by such an awful owner.
Maybe the greater Washington metro will finally grow a set and tell Snyder in no uncertain terms he's doing a bad job:

Stop buying all the crap he peddles. 
Because he WILL notice that.

Otherwise, get set for 10 more years just like the past decade. Cause Snyder doesn't care about on the field success. He wants success in his checkbook.

Who loves Money more than this guy?
PS: He makes Jerry Jones look fantastic by comparison.

d.
October 19, 2009

Comments [10]

October 12, 2009

Blog: Goodbye WGMD! Hello, Next Step!

It is with sadness I've come to tell the good folks on Delmarva that today I quit my part time position at 92.7fm WGMD.

When I joined WGMD in June, it was a trial run for both of us. Me, a once "shock jock", and them, a "Christian/Conservative" radio station.

Somewhere in the middle things started to jell, and I had big time fun, like I hadn't had in years.

My often quoted CBS Radio Non Compete contract is now less than one year from being worthless paper. Now is the time to decide the next step in my broadcasting career, because next October is closer than I ever imagined.

I had hoped to cement a full time position at WGMD and eventually offer my show via syndication in a year.

Turns out I have a lot of options open to me. I told the folks at WGMD three weeks ago that everything was coming to a head, and I'd either have to make the jump into joining them full time or get ready to move on.

I got my answer today. Upper management  at WGMD is still undecided if I'm the right fit, and I am in a position where I can't wait.

So it was with great regret today I resigned my 9-12noon show. I have met some incredible people on and off the air through WGMD, and think that program director/morning zoo host Dan Gaffney is one of the brightest talents left in our industry.

No doubt I became a better, more well rounded broadcaster working this Summer at WGMD. I will always think fondly of the special bond I have with the good people of the Eastern Shore of Maryland and the lower shore of Delaware. I was forced to work in a different style and radio format, and learned more than I thought I could.

I know when I get back on the radio I'll be available on the internet, and hopefully on a station in Ocean City as well.

I am sad it didn't work out at WGMD, but still think it's a one of a kind gem of a radio station. And I'll always be a fan.

Thanks again to everyone who listened, called, emailed, and supported my show. And to those who listened before.

I'm ready to re-enter the Matrix of radio. 
Thanks, WGMD, and Delmarva!

Now I've got to pick a slimy, cowardly agent. 
That's like picking out the turd that stinks the least!

MORE TO COME SOON, please stay in touch with me via Twitter, Facebook, and this here blog.

d.
October 12, 2009

Comments [53]

September 29, 2009

Facebook | Photos of You

via facebook.com

PRO-FM 1978. Looking at the Opportunities page in R&R. Shock!

Comments [9]

September 28, 2009

New Blog: Things I Know

Greetings, friends. Been a while since I've put electronic pen to electronic paper for a chat. Sorry about that, Chief. Seems even working a 3 hour radio shift can rule your life! No worries, I'm lovin' my new show on WGMD 92.7. It just seems a lot of the things I would blog about now  get rambled on and on about during the broadcast.

So to keep you totally in the loop, here's a few of the
THINGS I KNOW (as of this moment):

1  Glen Beck is just a big douchey dee jay on tv. He is just a  jackass Morning Zoo type hack. Nothing to see here.
2  Michael Jackson's family should just hold his rotting corpse upside down until all the change comes out of his pockets.
3  Larry King's posture is for the birds.
4  Jimmy Carter is clearly nuts.
5  The Ravens are going to be in the Super Bowl.
6  Rex Ryan is the fattest coach in recent NFL history.
7  Black Eyed Peas are just about ready for another 5 year
hibernation. 
8  October 2010 sure looks closer now than it did in February of 2008.

That's all for now. Wow, my brain hurts after all that activity. I will try and write more often, and thanks for reading.

Rock On, Float On, Spray On, Press On.

d.
Monday Sept 28, 2009

Comments [11]

August 31, 2009

Dave Hughes/dcrtv.com AN OPEN LETTER

I'm going to attempt to keep this brief, as the topic is not one I want to discuss openly, but have to.

FACTS:
In 2006 I received a letter, in the mail, at my home, from a deranged fan of my radio show. 
My family and I had dealt with him and his issues for well over 10 years prior to the letter that prompted the involvement of the police.
The letter opened with, "YOU HAVE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!"
In the letter, he threatened to, "Kill you, or your girlfriend, or your son." He also said, "You will never be able to open a piece of mail without wondering if I have sent you something. Any time a delivery truck or someone comes to your front door, you'd better be worried. It might be me."
He continued, "Over the next 10 years, I will make you think about me and what I might or might not do every  waking moment." 
It continued, but you certainly get the gist. He even threatened to poison my dogs.

I called the Fairfax County, Virginia police and met with detectives. They told me they would investigate, then followed up and said there was enough to prosecute, so I did. 
This lunatic topped off years of various forms of delusion and harassment, in regard to me and my radio show.
When he literally threatened the lives of my family, I did what any of you would have done.
He was found guilty and sentenced to a jail term and supervised probation, with other provisions.

When this incident happened, I only spoke of it ONCE on the air (less than thirty seconds total), after I was spotted in the courtroom the day of sentencing, and I wasn't on the air. I mentioned NO particulars, and moved on. 
At that same time, Dave Hughes (webmaster of dcrtv.com, a radio gossip site) contacted me and said he'd heard about the threat. I asked he keep it under wraps, and he did. I appreciated it, and let him know.

Four months ago, the man got out of jail. One of the first things he did was to write a note to dcrtv.com, claiming the cops involved were somehow against him, and I unfairly accused him of the crime, stating he had a medical condition that excused his behavior and actions.

The rantings of a madman.

I contacted Mr. Hughes, and told him EXACTLY how serious the threat was to me and my family, and he agreed that the topic, and the man's post should be edited out.
Shortly afterward, it continued.
Not understanding why this would be troubling to me, he informed me it was a "judgement call" and he was going to let it go.
I severed any communication with him at that point.

The man who went to jail died about a week ago. His sister and brother penned their own diatribes to dcrtv.com, blaming me for their brother's death, citing an illness that made it impossible for him to understand conversation. And stating I should have simply snapped my fingers and made it so he wouldn't go to jail for his crime.

Those two are obviously wrong and I pity them. Dave Hughes posts this crap, even though it clearly has no place in his radio/tv website. It has no place because it was a crime, and my family and I were the victims. It was never front page, or back page news in the Washington Post or anywhere else. The only place it was "news" was on dcrtv.com.
And for a few weeks, it's been a topic of deliberation in a 'mailbag' moderated by him.
I would be writing nothing at all about this, if Mr. Hughes wasn't continuing his "coverage". Which incidentally, never even involved a call or Email to me for my position. He certainly knows how to get a hold of me, as just this weekend he sent me a note on Twitter referencing a trip to New York I recently took. Like we're good old buddies. Quite the contrary.

I ask anyone reading this:

If someone threatened your family with death, and was prosecuted and found guilty, how would YOU feel if some scumbag was digging it all up and presenting a point of view that's not only wrong, but bordering on outright slander?

I committed no crime against the stalker. It was he who violated my family.

Who would possibly want any of this very private and troubling news made public?

The stalker was obviously troubled and had mental issues. I really don't know what Dave Hughes's problem is.

Simple civility and morality would say, "No."
Yet he still says, "Yes."

Hell has a special place for both of the men I have written about this evening.

d.
August 31, 2009

Comments [25]

August 22, 2009

BLOG: Snyder throws in the towel

This evening, the Pittsburgh Steelers play the Washington Redskins at Fed Ex Field in Raljon, Maryland. Last year when the Steelers played the Redskins at Fed Ex, in a regular season Monday night game, it was the first time ever that an opponent's crowd had overtaken the home arena.

As a former season ticket holder of the Redskins, I can tell you that a majority of people who signed season ticket contracts are simply putting in time until they no longer are under such a one sided agreement with Danny Boy.
They're not happy with the prices, the parking, and the gameday experience. It really isn't even the fact the team has stunk for a long time.
How else can you explain the Monday night game, in which over 50% of the crowd in the stands, all levels, were Steelers fans, dressed in black and gold, waving their Terrible Towels?
THAT happened because the Redskins ticket holding fan base re-sold their tickets to folks from Pittsburgh, who are happy to make the four hour drive to see their team.

What followed was hysterical. in a 90,000 seat stadium , there were over 25,000 Yellow Terrible Towels being waved. Forget the noise level, which caused the Redskins to go to a silent count...at a HOME game.
It was a sea of black and gold. 
Danny Boy was embarrassed on big time national tv.
He has put his money where his mouth is tonight, though! The re-match will be of historical stuff! Who says Dan isn't ready this time? At no additional cost to you, the consumer!

That's right, fans. The first 50,000 paying customers get a white Redskins towel, to wave against the Steelers towels, which I bet he thinks there will be a lot of.
I think so too.
Which is why the more I think it through, the better it gets.
He'll most likely be giving those freebee paper thin glorified Bounty paper towels to Steelers fans! I am betting that there will be a noticeable number of Steelers fans at least matching the Redskins fans in the stands tonight. So what should the Steelers fans who get the free white towels do with them?
I hope they wipe themselves with them.

I'll be watching on teevee tonight. After 10 years of finally owning Redskins season tickets, it's a weird feeeling to know my much beloved tickets on the 40 yard line, directly above the balcony where the Fox camera guys  shoot the game will be occupied by someone else tonight.
I'm quite sure they'll be Steelers fans!

d.
August 22, 2009

Comments [10]

August 11, 2009

Blog: Legally, why I can't stream or podcast from a legal angle

Hello, friends. Since I've been back on the radio, the number one question I get asked via emails, Twitter, blog notes, on air phone calls, and from folks who live within radio reception of WGMDfm:

"How come you're not on the internet? All the other shows from WGMD are...and how come you just don't podcast?"

Answer:
Because when I left my contract with CBS radio in February, 2008, they still held my "rights" until the orginial contract end date of October, 2010.
That's the only way they would let me out of the deal.
I won't go into the tale again of why I needed a change, and how wonderful my life is now. 
But I needed to stop, slow down, and re-establish my life. The only way CBS would allow me an early release was a "non-compete" contract, valid until October, 2010.
It states I can work on the radio NO WHERE in America expect the Salisbury/Ocean City, Md. market. That's it. 
It also states NO internet streaming or podcasting. 

It also matters not that WJFK's format has changed, or any other radio moves that do or don't concern me directly. The deal clearly states the Non-Compete is first and foremost for the Washington, D.C. market. ALL stations, owned by anyone. Regardless of format.

It's a crappy deal. I have not been paid a dime  from CBS since I stepped away.
And I walked away from some big bucks that most likely will never pass my way again. 
I accepted it because I knew I needed to step away and get my life in order.
I know the deal I made with the CBS devil,  I have signed off on the deal, and I will honor it.

But I still get bombarded with questions about it. So let's go to a very respected and highly paid (by ME!) lawyer to answer the three main questions I still get:

QUESTION #1:
What is a non-compete? 

A covenant not to compete is a promise by an employee not to compete with his or her employer for a specified time, in a particular place or in a particular way. A covenant not to compete, which is also known as a non-competition agreement, may be a clause in an employment agreement or a separate contract standing by itself.

QUESTION #2:
Come on, are these things really enforced?
Generally speaking, yes. Courts once did not enforce non competition agreements, viewing them as unlawful restraints on competition.  Today, however, courts will enforce non-competition agreements if:
  • the employer proves that it has a legitimate business interest to protect by restricting its employees' right to compete against it;
  • the restriction on the employee's right to compete is no greater than that necessary to protect the employer's business interest; and
  • the covenant not to compete is supported by consideration, meaning that the employee received something in exchange for it.
Every case turns on its own facts. Judges who enforce a non-competition agreement must balance the protection of the employer's business interest against the employee's right to earn a living, as well as other factors, such as whether the restrictions will harm the public. 

 QUESTION #3:
 Why don't you just turn on the stream, or make your own 
 podcast? Why don't you just try and break the contract?
 What could happen?

Plenty, and not much of it good.  First, your employer can file suit against you for an injunction and money damages.  If the employer can point to a facially valid agreement and reasonable restrictions, most courts will grant an injunction while the lawsuit is pending.  You will have to hire an attorney to defend the suit and, when it is over, you not only may owe the money damages sought by the employer, but may be prevented from competing for a period of time following the lawsuit.

Another tactic for the former employer is to threaten your new employer with a lawsuit for "tortious interference" with the non-competition agreement between you and your old employer. If your non-compete is valid, then a third party who induces you to break it can face the same liability as you, and possiby more.  To avoid this liability, the new employer will often terminate the new employee, which it is free to do.

Hope this helps answer those questions. I know it's all very complicated. IF there were a way out, I'd be there already.

I appreciate all the support.
I also know that everyone who communicates with me thinks it should be easy to get around this agreement, which I signed.
I can't, until one year from October.

Which is pretty close. 
It would be nice to have my show on WGMD be available on the ole interwebs, but that deal will change in about a year.

Are we cool? 
Danke!

d.
August 11, 2009

Comments [35]

August 9, 2009

BLOG: Pre-Packaging

I'll be brief, cause your time is important to me. 

Like I'm some Time-Life operator waiting to sell you some 70's collection of soft rock CD's.
Actually, some of those infomercials are pretty good, and the song selection is kind of rare.
But I promise you that IF you ordered all 120 cd's available from Time-Life, they would be easier to open then these (see 1st picture below) flippin' over-the-counter "reading glasses" we bought at Costco, or BJ's, or Sams. Doesn't matter, they are all the same. The stores, I mean.

Especially when it comes to that AIR TIGHT VACUM SEALED WITH HOT GLUE PLASTIC SHRINK WRAP most cheap stuff is packaged in.
You know exactly what I'm talking about. Something you've purchased with the G.D. invincible plastic cover that you can not get open to save your life.
Scissors? A Swiss Army Knife?
Think chain saw.

And this incredible shield is only used on cheap shit we all buy, mainly in bulk. I've never bought anything of real value with this type of Fort Knox security/Borg shield built right in. I know it's done to deter shoplifting and defer costs of packaging. But it really stinks. You could poke your eye out, Kid, with this sharp Spage Age plastic!
We should make our airplanes out of this stuff.

I finally got it open. Huzzah!

d.
Sunday August 9th, 009

Comments [8]

July 26, 2009

Blog: America's Got Stupid

America doesn't have talent. Or brains. But we are loaded to the gills with stupid. Case in point:

This afternoon, I was frequenting a famous chain store that specializes in greeting cards in Ocean City (don't be hatin, I was buying fantasy football magazines. And some Hoops & Yoyo cards. And some scented candles. And a few knicknacks). 
The gal in front of me was buying a magazine, and her total purchase price came to $3.75, with tax. 
She said to the clerk, "I've got four bucks right here." And then she accidentally gave the clerk $23.00. Three one dollar bills, and a twenty, instead of four ones.
The clerk then spazzed out. 
"No, you just gave me too much money than you said you would, so now I've got to void this purchase, and start all over."
 She then got on the intercom and bellowed, "I need help with a customer's purchase that has to be voided and I don't know how to do it."
At that point, the customer lady said, "I'm so sorry. Here's four dollars. Give me 25 cents back and we'll be even."
That's where the clerk's brain started to implode.

"But you gave me over twenty dollars when you said you'd give me four!" 
"And again, I'm so sorry. But here's four one dollar bills. Please just give me a quarter back."
"No. The register says I have to give you $19.25 in change."
"But I have the $20 bill back in my hand. I have given you four dollars."
"If you want to get your $19.25 in change, you better give me the $20 back."

At this point, the gal looked at me for support. I thought.
Sadly, I offered none. I was watching the manager making her way to the front.
The entire situation was replayed for her, at which point she gave the customer her quarter, and said thank you. She seemed to grasp the equation.
The customer then left the store. Followed by the stares of all three sets of eyes, theirs and mine. As they were voiding out the previous receipt, I heard them chat a bit more.
Manager said, "You just should have given her a quarter."
Clerk said, "Yeah, but she was mad before she paid because she wanted to use the bathroom, and I told her we didn't have a public bathroom for customers."
Manager said, "She could go to the Burger King."
Clerk said, "Maybe."

Then they both turned their dolls eyes towards me. I made sure I announced the money I was giving the clerk was  correct. 
She said, "Thank you. I'm sorry for the wait. That lady was just not very smart."

Do tell.

d.
Sunday
July 26th, 2009

Comments [11]