michael’s posterous



January 17, 2010

Blog: No Planes, But Trains And Automobiles

I've been doing some fill in work at WCBS-FM/New York for about a month and have been having the time of my life. It's great fun, on THE best radio station in America. I do not reside in New York City, I live in Ocean City, Maryland. So to get to New York, you can go via the movie title: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I live close enough that a plane doesn't make sense, so it's either drive into the city, or train it in.

Yesterday was a day where I was only doing one daytime shift, instead of working over a string of days. Airtime was 2:00pm-7:00pm, so I figured it would be a long day but seemed to make sense to just drive to the Amtrak station in Wilmington, Delaware (closest to OC and 2 hours away) and take the train in. I left my house at 8:15 and was in Wilmington at 10:20. Train scheduled to leave at 10:50 and arrive in NYC at 12:30. Plenty of time to catch a cab to the studios in Tribeca. 

I walk into the station and check the big board. My train is delayed by 45 minutes. I go through different plans in my feeble mind and come up with two options:

1) Just wait for the train and get into NY late, but maybe with enough time to get to work.
2) Get in my car and just drive the rest of the day. Two and a half hours, maybe. Don't know about traffic.

By now it's 11:00am, 3 hours til airtime. I decide to get in my car. Bad decision.
Within five minutes of getting back on I95, I see the bright lights in my rear view mirror.
Of course, I was speeding!
Of course, there was a cop just waiting for me!

He says he caught me doing 68 in a 55, and asks for all the info. 
10   l-o-n-g   minutes later he comes back, gives me a warning and says slow down.

As I thank my remaining lucky stars, I check my watch. 11:20. Now getting into New York City by 2:00 will be a challenge.

I do the only thing I can.
Go back to the train station. It's only 5 minutes away!

Arrive back at Amtrak at 11:30. Train is now scheduled to leave at 11:45. Okay, I'll wait for the train. I  received a sign not to drive in today, and I was taking it.

Except the train was still late. At 12:10, we finally left the station.
I called Broadway Bill Lee, who was currently on the air at CBS-fm, until 2:00pm. When I'm supposed to be there!
Bill was cool, said don't worry if you're late and I just chilled until we arrived at Penn Station.

At 1:40pm.

I ran like OJ Simpson! (In the Hertz ads, not the low speed Bronco chase.)
Grabbed a cab.
Told the guy with the turban to get me to Tribeca in 10 minutes.

And he did. I arrived, totally pitted out and stressed to the max at WCBS-fm at 1:50pm.

But it all dissolved as soon as I got on the air. I love CBS-fm and being able to do some work there is a thrill, Daddy-O!

Made it home before Midnight. No problems coming back. Except the guy who insisted on putting his slippers on during the train ride back from New York. Severe FO. Foot Odor. Train was packed, couldn't switch seats. Made the food from the cafe car taste real Amtrak-y. 

d.
1.17.09

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January 15, 2010

BLOG: Just Leno

So there he is, a young and naive Jay Leno. A lot has changed since that photo was taken. Everyone's got a take on the whole NBC late night fiasco. Team Conan, Team Leno, Letterman and Kimmel and Craig and Jimmy. And George. So many guys all trying in vain to be Johnny Carson. All of them chasing the same dream. Which no longer exists. But I digress. Let's talk Leno.

Full disclosure (also the way I'm sitting at the keyboard right now): I have never cared for Jay Leno. I liked him as a guest on Letterman ("What's My Beef, Dave?") and Carson. As a host, he just sucks. No real comedy sense or ability to even chat on a level as shallow as late night tv. I always stated stupid people who like bright colors, loud noises and tee shirts being shot into the crowd loved Leno. All others liked Letterman. Okay, sermon over.

How fucking stupid is Jay Leno and are his handlers/producers? He agreed to the demotion to 10pm. Then when it ALL started going to hell, it became Jay vs Conan.

If Jay (or anyone with a brain around him) did it right, it would be Jay AND Conan vs NBC. Even if he didn't mean it and thought to himself all along he'd go back to 11:35, he should have taken the stance that NBC could screw Conan, just don't do it with him as a pawn.

Instead, he has made EVERY wrong turn. His "jabs" at NBC are lightly strewn in his opening joke segments, so as not to actually offend. He has never actually addressed the situation in any 'serious' regards, as all the rest of the late night talkers have. He has done nothing to make himself appear human. He is stupidly robotic.

In fact, when Jimmy Kimmel did an interview (closed circut) last night on the Leno show, Kimmel absolutely destroyed him. Mocked him, his choices, and the way this is playing out. It was like watching a fight where one guy is just beating the shit out of the other guy, and even in his own corner, they don't give a shit their guy is getting pummeled. 

But even then, I didn't feel bad for Leno. He simply is devoid of the ability to relate to people as a broadcaster, which is killing him in this whole situation. He deserves it.

He still has a puncher's chance, if one of these nights he breaks down and actually speaks from the heart about how he's not out to screw Conan or anyone else. But we both know that's not going to happen. At least he has all his cars.

d.
1.15.10

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December 24, 2009

Blog: King George

I received a sad call this Xmas Eve morning, from a friend informing me of the passing of Radio & TV Icon George Michael.

Lots of people know him primarily from his syndicated and ahead-of-its-time "Sports Machine" tv show or for his decades of work in the Washington DC market as sports anchor of WRC-TV, and his shows with Redskins coaches and QB's.

Lots more people know him as "King" George Michael, from WFIL/Philadelphia or WABC/New York.
He was, one of the best disc jockeys I've ever heard. He had the unique ability to translate energy, passion, warmth and professionalism into his air shifts on old time top40 radio.

He was the first radio guy (and about only REAL screamin top40radio jock) to transition to sports on tv, and he did it with the same qualities that made him such a success in radio.

George and I first met in 1981 in Los Angeles. I was working at KIIS-FM. doing 7-12pm. George's former PD, Jay Clark, was the group PD for Ganett, KIIS's owners at the time. 
About 9:00pm the studio door opened, and in bounded Jay with George. They had been out to dinner, listening to the radio, and came on down. Before I know it, Jay had called Gerry De'Fran, the KIISfm PD, and I was sliding down one seat as the great George Michael did a half hour of radio. Somehow, I was able to finish my shift after they left. Hard act to follow!
By 1985 I had moved back to DC, and on my very first show in afternoons at WAVA (even before Bart was born), who called on the request line? George.
He was jacked I was back and he gave me a great treat on my first show back in town by staying on the line for 15 minutes and giving me a nice plug on channel 4.
Of course, for years he was on both the Morning Zoo and the Don & Mike show, doing everything from "straight" sports reports when WAVA had a broadcast line put into his house so he could have studio sounding audio, to taking over our show on a special April 1st, to always being there to chat about whatever Redskins moment was dominating headlines.
I also had the pleasure of having dinner with George at several Super Bowls. I was just a hack deejay hanging out for the weekend when the rest of the gang had jetted back home, and he'd always grab me to tail along and I always had a great time. Most evenings with George ended up with each of us talking up records in the car. (That's a deejay thing.)
There never was a time when George wasn't a pal to me. The day after Freda died, he called me at home right before the 6:00 newscast to say that channel 4 was going to cover it with the class and dignity she deserved. We ended up having a very emotional discussion about what in life was really important, then he went on tv and did his job, cause that was what he did. And I thought then, as I do now, what a special person he is.

George was one of those people who lived up to the hype. I had heard him and knew of him long before we ever met. The fact he was a part of my radio show, and a friend still blows my mind. George Michael! Famous 56 W-F-I-L!

Radio guy first, sports guy second. 
Great guy always.

My prayers are with his family this Holiday.

George Michael WABC

d.
12.24.09

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December 21, 2009

BLOG: I always thought these sounded alike

Merry Xmas week, gang. 

I'm sure you've heard/seen the iPod
Nano ads, featuring the song stylings of Miss Li, "Bourgeois".
Give it a brief listen, you'll recognize it. It's catchy!

From the first time I heard the spot, I have always maintained it was a sample of a 1960's hit by Gary Lewis & The Playboys, "Count Me In".
Turns out it's not, but they sure do sound similar.
At least the intros!

Like Fox News says, I report,  you decide.
Ok, class over. I haven't had this much fun since I tried to prove that "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker was actually a rip off of "I Want A New Drug" by Huey Lewis & The News.

d.
12.21.09

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December 15, 2009

BLOG: Xmas Shopping

I went shopping today at a nice store, that shall go nameless.

At this store, I knew exactly what I wanted and walked right up to the counter and asked the nice lady to get it for me from behind the glass.

As she took it out of the case (the item is irrelevant, and a gift), I took it, gave it the once over and said, "I'll take it."

She then started to barrage me with questions. Mind you, she wasn't trying to upsell me anything. No pitch for a warranty. No joining some stupid savings club. She said:

"You can't be sure so fast. I'll give you a few minutes to think it over."

I said I WAS ready, and if she could help me check out, that would be great.

"But are you sure that's the one you want?"
"Didn't you see that it also comes in other styles/colors?"
"Is this exactly what your wife asked you for?"
"Do you need any further assistance?"
"Before I ring you up, are you really sure? I mean you've only been in here about less than five minutes."

B-I-N-G-O.

She had some problem with the fact I knew what I wanted, and just wanted to buy it.  Sorry, lady. Just do your job, please. I'll be the easiest sale you'll have all week.

I don't know just what bug crawled up her ass today, but I hope he makes it out of there in time for Xmas.

PS: The Santa at Macy's smelled like raw meat.
      And he used tongue.

d.
12.15.09

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December 2, 2009

New Blog : Oh, That Tiger

Tiger Woods is human. He cheated on his wife. She went batshit on him, resulting in the last five days of media scrutiny.

Will these events ruin, or mar the career and more importantly, image of Tiger? No.
Kobe Bryant got past a whole lot more with his wife, including criminal charges. Many other famous and infamous people get caught in the sheets with someone besides their spouse.

But Tiger so carefully manicures his image, it's almost hard to believe how stupid he was. Text messages, voice mails, and his incredibly shaky call to one of his gals, asking her to, "take her name off her phone because his wife might be calling."
What a dumb fucker, no pun intended. Hot wife, billionaire, best golfer on the planet, yacht owner. Still he needed some strange. And I don't mean Curtis Strange.
His sponsors will stand by him, as they should. And his game will probably be sharper than ever, when he gets back on the course.

But his true penance for this "transgression" will come from his wife. 
She will make his house seem like a jail.
And she'll put a GPS unit on his cellphone, his computer, and his penis.

She'll slap this baby right on. She'll know every time he takes a piss.

Meanwhile, he's just waiting for the next story that knocks him out of the lead spot on the news. Where are Jon & Kate when you really need them? Isn't there some beloved celebrity ready to croak? 

Didn't Dick Clark just turn 80? There's hope, Tiger!
At least for your image and this newscycle.

d.
12.2.09

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November 11, 2009

BLOG: Amazing Janet

While she can on occasion get me a bit crusty

(usually over hypothetical questions, like today when she said, "What happens if a bank loses it's FDIC rating? Do they have to tell the customers?" and that  line of questioning continued until I finally said I did not know. That was 10 minutes later!),
my wife,
Janet is the brightest light in my life.

She has the unique ability to be sweet and cynical at the same time. Example: During our recent vacation at Disney, she was totally in her element because:
A) She is a total Disney freak, Mary Poppins, to be specific.
B) There are so many idiots to make fun of
C) All of the above

Answer, as always, "C"!
Because that's exactly what she's like. One minute, she was like a 10 year old girl looking at all the crap in some overpriced Disney store.
Next minute, like some buddy in a bar, wondering how effective a certain park visitor might take to clean him/herself after a latrine visit on a hot day.

She is just very able to move with whatever mood strikes her as right. She has an ability to take the temperature of a room better than anyone I have ever met. She can fit in and be accepted in just about any setting. Pretty good ally to have on my side. 

Just tonight we were discussing some of the possibilities that might await us when I reenter the world of radio. That will entail moving, literally, anywhere the right job might be. 

And this is as we are JUST getting absolutely settled in our house in OC, Md, a year and a half after we started to move in fulltime at the beach.

All the details, like getting the cabinets fixed just right, and having the door replaced, and all new storm shutters installed, and having all the boxes totally unpacked and a house that really has three bedrooms downstairs, not just three rooms full of furniture and boxes (the lower level wasn't a pretty sight for a while) and all the rest is finally done.

OK, the electrician guy has to come by Monday to tidy up his work, but it's 99.9% done.

And as we toasted our success tonight in our clean beach house, she was cool enough to roll with the fact that sooner rather than later we'll be packing some of this stuff up and moving somewhere else. 

She is actually looking forward to the adventure.
Have U Haul, will travel.
That used to be by dee jay motto back in the real day, when I would jump to the next best job whenever it opened up.

Not exactly the same scenario, but there is that level of not knowing exactly what's going to happen next that has me very excited. 

And Janet, too. Even though we finally just are really moved in. I'm glad she's a free soul like me in that regard. She is the reason I'm so ready to take on the next chapter.

d.
November 11, 2009

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November 4, 2009

Blog: Disney & Fat People

Ok, so I went to Disney World. I know for a lot of you that breaks some kind of solemn oath I'd taken against the Walt Disney Company since my old radio show was tossed out during a live broadcast for talking to visitors and informing those who had a wedgie so they could take proper action.

That was a long time ago, and I was quite sure my name wasn't really on some list (as some Disney secret service grunt had told us when we were tossed back in the day).

Janet and I did the old fashioned vacation, driving from Ocean City, Maryland to Orlando and Tampa, Florida. We stayed in Disney for a week and had a great time. Except for one item. 

The first thing I noticed in the Magic Kingdom was the incredible number of motorized scooters, aka "Rascals" that were freaking everywhere. One of the first things I muttered to Janet on our 1st day was something like, "Jesus! Look at that fat load. I'm positive he's faking some illness and is just too lazy to walk", as I saw some random really fat guy motoring and drinking his lemonade ever so daintily.

NEWS BULLETIN! I AM FAT. I WEIGHED MYSELF THIS MORNING AND MY NEW LUCKY NUMBER IS 229!

It was unseasonably hot and humid, even by Florida standards the week we were in Orlando. Every day was scorching sunshine and 93 degrees.  I would sweat through my t shirt within five minutes of starting to walk through the gates at the Animal Kingdom.

But I walked it all. Every day. It was hot, and I sweated. Lots. But we stopped and walked into A/C whenever we could. The worst was standing in a line for a ride, and just smelling ass and feet everywhere, no ventilation. Very swampy.

And again, I was struck by the many electric scooters I saw fat people (many about my size, some smaller, some bigger) riding everywhere.

In lines for rides, in eateries and in stores. I really didn't see anyone (except some senior citizens and some handicapped folks) who looked like they ACTUALLY needed the scooters.
And it was pissing me off.

By day 5, I decided to just ask. Some guy a bit larger than me was in line in his scooter, with his little battery operated fan cooling him, as he wrapped a washcloth in cool water he had in the basket in the front of his ride, and draped it around his neck.

I said, "Hey pal.  I don't mean to intrude, but I love that scooter you're on. Do you have an injury that's making you use that thing, or are you just faking it to ride?"
I felt confident enough to ask him because he didn't appear to have any maladies and he was as happy as a pig in shit, and was actually smirking at people sweating their balls off as they walked by. That's why I chose this guy to ask. Even as Janet walked away and said, "Don't. Come on, let's go."

He smiled and told me his entire family rented them, right at the front gate. There was not a thing wrong with him. It was just, "hot as shit, and it's like having a little golf cart." I asked if they were available to anyone, and he said if you money was green, you could rent one.
Celebrity he most resembled: Sean Kingston.  
Fat. But not so fat you can't walk.

I walked to the front gate, and lo and behold, there was the sign to "Rent Your Own Personal Electric Scooter, the ONLY   Way To See The Park!" I guess I'd just passed it  by everywhere in the masses of humanity rushing through the turnstiles, eager to get inside whatever Kingdom it was we were all rushing to get into.

So I was right! Fat asses who are just lazy rent those things, because it's hot and they don't feel like walking.

Screw that. If you are too fat to walk, you'd better be like someone on a TLC show. Or Kirstie Alley fat. 
Scratch that. Even she should be able to walk her fat ass through the parks. You have to be Aretha Franklin fat to ride in a chair like that if your only malady is that it's hot, and you're fat, and there's lots of walking.

And there were SO MANY FREAKING SCOOTERS WITH FAT PEOPLE AND CHILDREN (oh yes, fat kiddies ride too!) IT WAS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR FOOT TRAFFIC TO MOVE, AS THE SCOOTERS TOOK OVER THE WALKWAYS, SOMETIME IN PACKS OF SEVEN OR EIGHT.

I walked everywhere everyday. And I'm fat. And I'm lazy. And my feet got sore and my I was sweating my balls off while surrounded by a cloud of people that collectively smelled like a giant full diaper. And even then I would not rent a scooter. Good for me.

So why write all this? It reminded me of a Disney movie!
Remember? All humans are so fat we just drive our little fatcars through shopping areas, where food and drink are supplied to keep us fat and happy and shopping. And not walking.

That's where Disney movies come to life.

d.
November 4, 2009

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October 19, 2009

Blog: Snyder Loves Money Over Winning

No secret agenda here, I am not a Dan Snyder fan. The man/boy owner of the Washington Redskins is finally starting to feel some of the heat from the community of devoted, lifetime fans, who are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore. Or so they say.

The Redskins are among the worst teams in the NFL. Their fourth loss of the season yesterday was to the then winless Kansas City Chiefs. The coach is in over his head, the players don't have any passion for what they do, there is no General Manager, and a general state of sourness has enveloped the franchise. 

I will not bore you with the facts about just how bad the Redskins are now, or have been for the last 10 years.

I've told friends of mine in other NFL cities that if any other team would have had such awful on the field product for the last decade, they'd be...the Jacksonville Jaguars or the Oakland Raiders! Those teams stink, and the stadiums are not full with fans. Those teams are not winners on or off the field. (Where score is kept by wins and losses, and profit margins.)

Then there's the Redskins, now under ownership of Snyder for 10 years. The team has been crap for the majority of the decade, and that's even being generous to the "Joe Gibbs 2.0" experiment. That stunk, too. Let's just be honest. IF all this junk (coaching carousel, awful personnel moves, moronic payments to free agents who aren't worth it, like Albert Haynesworth) happened in any other NFL city, would the fans just keep taking it?

Never mind that, would they keep lining up (waiting list for season tickets!), bending over, and saying, "Thank You! May I Have Another?"

The team will continue to fail as long as the two rules of Synder ownership remain in place:

1) Let Dan, and only Dan run the team. ALL football decisions run through him and him alone.
2) Bottom line is more important than on the field results. Who gives a hoot about a winning record or playoffs when the team is THE SECOND MOST VALUABLE in the NFL. 

Money, Money, Money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all Dan Snyder cares about.

The team is totally in the bottom third of the league, and sinking fast.

Snyder could fix it. IF he'd hire a football person to be the actual General Manager, and then letting that person dictate the franchise's ON FIELD product. Then the actual team's success rate might start to match the level of profit the team has shown over the last 10 years.

It will never be fixed. Snyder will never relent. He does not understand his little toy is also a public trust. If he were truly a smart business man, he'd realize his ineptness at football matters, and focus on the other side. Then the team would have a chance of being among the league's elite.

And, Dan, you'd still make money! Because that's how you keep score. But as long as Redskins fans hold on to memories of the way-it-used-to-be, you'll keep holding them upside down til every bit of change rattles out of their pockets. 

Plus, remember, you can always sue people if they can't pay for their their seat contracts!

Cause it's ALL about money for Dan Snyder. 
Other markets would not continue to throw money at a team owned by such an awful owner.
Maybe the greater Washington metro will finally grow a set and tell Snyder in no uncertain terms he's doing a bad job:

Stop buying all the crap he peddles. 
Because he WILL notice that.

Otherwise, get set for 10 more years just like the past decade. Cause Snyder doesn't care about on the field success. He wants success in his checkbook.

Who loves Money more than this guy?
PS: He makes Jerry Jones look fantastic by comparison.

d.
October 19, 2009

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October 12, 2009

Blog: Goodbye WGMD! Hello, Next Step!

It is with sadness I've come to tell the good folks on Delmarva that today I quit my part time position at 92.7fm WGMD.

When I joined WGMD in June, it was a trial run for both of us. Me, a once "shock jock", and them, a "Christian/Conservative" radio station.

Somewhere in the middle things started to jell, and I had big time fun, like I hadn't had in years.

My often quoted CBS Radio Non Compete contract is now less than one year from being worthless paper. Now is the time to decide the next step in my broadcasting career, because next October is closer than I ever imagined.

I had hoped to cement a full time position at WGMD and eventually offer my show via syndication in a year.

Turns out I have a lot of options open to me. I told the folks at WGMD three weeks ago that everything was coming to a head, and I'd either have to make the jump into joining them full time or get ready to move on.

I got my answer today. Upper management  at WGMD is still undecided if I'm the right fit, and I am in a position where I can't wait.

So it was with great regret today I resigned my 9-12noon show. I have met some incredible people on and off the air through WGMD, and think that program director/morning zoo host Dan Gaffney is one of the brightest talents left in our industry.

No doubt I became a better, more well rounded broadcaster working this Summer at WGMD. I will always think fondly of the special bond I have with the good people of the Eastern Shore of Maryland and the lower shore of Delaware. I was forced to work in a different style and radio format, and learned more than I thought I could.

I know when I get back on the radio I'll be available on the internet, and hopefully on a station in Ocean City as well.

I am sad it didn't work out at WGMD, but still think it's a one of a kind gem of a radio station. And I'll always be a fan.

Thanks again to everyone who listened, called, emailed, and supported my show. And to those who listened before.

I'm ready to re-enter the Matrix of radio. 
Thanks, WGMD, and Delmarva!

Now I've got to pick a slimy, cowardly agent. 
That's like picking out the turd that stinks the least!

MORE TO COME SOON, please stay in touch with me via Twitter, Facebook, and this here blog.

d.
October 12, 2009

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